It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
