We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
