Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I want her autograph on my taint
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
