Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
