Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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