Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
