I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
