she looked like the bat from fern gully.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
