Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
