don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
