In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
