I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
