I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
