my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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