i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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