woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
