I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
