i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
