I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
