I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I want her autograph on my taint
You dont lie about slip and slides
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
