ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Randomize
