found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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