I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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