I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
