I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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