hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
