I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize