Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
