Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
