Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
