hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
