I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
