cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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