Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
