he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
