Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
