So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
