I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
