Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
