I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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