WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I met the friendliest cop last night
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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