i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
