It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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