Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
