this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
