i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
