Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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