we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize