Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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