what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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