two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
