Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
