so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
