You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
as a side note pls kill me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
