'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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