Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
