woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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