I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
