I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
