i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
