I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
