Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We need a shit load of segways right now
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
