dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
