its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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