Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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